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What is the opposite of a hopeless romantic?
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What does a hopeless romantic mean?
- Kristine Fellizar
- You're Genuinely Optimistic About Love. When you’re a hopeful romantic, you believe that there’s someone out there for you, and at some point, you two will meet.
- You Value The Small Things. Relationships aren’t just about big romantic gestures. If you’re a hopeless romantic, those big displays of affection tend to matter a lot, as it feeds into the fantasy of having a fairytale romance.
- The Post-Honeymoon Phase Period Doesn't Scare You. Relationships always feel great the beginning. You’re still getting to know each other and you can’t keep your hands off each other.
- You Don't Leave Your Love Life Up To Fate. You may hear stories all the time of people finding love when they finally stopped looking. They deleted their dating apps, declined their friends’ attempts at setting them up, left it up to fate, and suddenly, they bumped into the soulmate on the street.
The opposite of a hopeless romantic is often someone who is a realist or pragmatist in love. This person tends to have a more grounded and practical approach to relationships, focusing on realistic expectations and logical outcomes rather than idealistic or fairytale notions of romance.
- You don't notice red flags until well into a relationship. Breakup coach Kendra Allen explains that because hopeless romantics get swept up by the notion of love, you tend to "fly right past glaring red flags."
- You fall for people fast and hard. If you develop feelings in the beginning stages of all your relationships, chances are you're drawn more to an idea than to your partner.
- You daydream (a lot) about love and marriage. Many people might anticipate where they'd like to get married or their potential wedding song. It's when these thoughts become frequent and detailed without imminent cause (i.e., getting engaged) that you may be venturing into fantasy land, according to Jackson: "If you have your wedding planned, how you want everything to be, and are just waiting to *insert partner*," you're a textbook hopeless romantic.
- Love bombing is a frequent occurrence. Hopeless romantics are prone to finding themselves in toxic relationships. "This is because the beginning of a toxic relationship often involves love bombing," Allen says.
- Overview
- What Are the Traits of a Hopeless Romantic?
- Is Being a Hopeless Romantic a Good Thing?
- What to Do If You’re a Hopeless Romantic
- Frequently Asked Questions
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If you’re a hopeless romantic, you probably have an idealized view of love. You tend to think of relationships as fairy tale-like romances and look for your soulmate in every partner you’re with. Regardless of any red flags or past experiences that might suggest otherwise, you truly believe that, ultimately, love conquers all.
“Hopeless romantics wear rose-colored glasses as their desire to love and be loved causes them to see the fantasy version of the person they’re with, instead of the reality,” says Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University.
This projection of love often isn't grounded in the depth of intimacy and connection—which is often rather unromantic—but instead in the pursuit of chasing the fairy tale narrative of love, says Claudia de Llano, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of "The Seven Destinies of Love."
Being a hopeless romantic can involve ups and downs. While it can mean you approach love and relationships with positivity and hopefulness, it can also mean that you get easily hurt or disappointed if reality doesn't live up to your expectations.
Verywell Mind asked the relationship experts to share some signs you're a hopeless romantic and what to do if you are.
You Have a Fairy Tale-Like View of Love
If you’re a hopeless romantic, chances are you love fairy tales and rom-coms where charming characters meet, fall in love, and live happily ever after. You probably have a fantasy of what your happily ever after looks like, and you probably date as a means to find a partner to fit the fantasy, says Dr. Romanoff.
You Get Invested in Relationships Very Quickly
When you start dating someone, rather than taking a slow, cautious approach to dating, you tend to get invested in the relationship early on. For example, you may find yourself fantasizing about a permanent future with a person you’ve only been on a few dates with, says Dr. Romanoff. "Or, you might spend a lot of time thinking about the person, replaying everything they said, and forecasting the future—all of which creates a false sense of closeness and intense feelings for the person," she adds.
You Idealize Your Partner
You’re looking for your soulmate; everyone you meet might be “the one.” This might cause you to idealize your partner in a way that doesn't match your actual experience of them but helps you cope with their negative qualities, says de Llano. If you tend to put your partner on a pedestal you can't reach, chances are you’re a hopeless romantic, says de Llano.
Being a hopeless romantic can be a good thing as well as a bad thing.
On the positive side, being a hopeless romantic can be helpful as opening yourself up to love requires significant vulnerability, says Dr. Romanoff. “Despite past heartbreak and pain, hopeless romantics see the good in others and believe in their potential.”
On the flip side, however, having unrealistic fairy tale-like expectations is not healthy because a relationship can't possibly sustain it, says de Llano. “Unrealistic idealization can be harmful, as it keeps you from seeing the relationship as it truly is and your partner in the wholeness of who they are.”
Research shows that unrealistic expectations can be harmful to your mental well-being and lead to lower relationship satisfaction.
While a positive attitude to relationships is helpful, it’s important to be able to see the relationship dynamic in a way that doesn't project unrealistic views, emotions, or idealization onto it.
— CLAUDIA DE LLANO, LMFT
The experts suggest some strategies that may be helpful if you’re a hopeless romantic:
•Evaluate your partner holistically: Dr. Romanoff says it’s important to reflect on the things you like, dislike, and are unsure about in a potential partner. “This helps you develop a more holistic view of the person and forces you to consider the things that might make you incompatible.”
Know your needs and set boundaries: Be clear about who you are, what you want, and the treatment you will and won't accept in a relationship and don’t lower your standards or betray your boundaries because you don’t want to be alone or you’re scared you won’t find love, says Dr. Romanoff. “Don’t accept treatment that is below your standards in exchange for that love.”
•Recognize your strengths: Work on recognizing your strengths, values, identity, and emotions so that you feel more capable of withstanding all the things life and relationships throw at you, says de Llano. Recognizing your own strengths can keep you from unrealistically idealizing a partner or pursuing relationships in order to avoid being alone.
•Consider therapy: Oftentimes, we idealize our partners because we are scared of being hurt, alone, or abandoned, says de Llano. “A mental healthcare professional can work with you to explore why you tend to deflect seeing your partner’s negative qualities, teach you how to cope with uncomfortable feelings of fear or insecurity, and help you build healthier attachments.”
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Frequently Asked Questions
Do hopeless romantics fall in love easily? Yes, hopeless romantics tend to fall in love easily and get invested in relationships quickly. They have an idealized view of romance and always tend to see the glass as half full, says de Llano. Is being a hopeless romantic toxic? Being a hopeless romantic isn’t automatically toxic. However, it could be harmful if: You have unrealistic expectations that no one can possibly live up to Your tendency to idealize relationships causes you to overlook red flags You are so focused on finding “The One” that you ignore friends, family members, or work Your expectations are hurting your relationship, your mental health, or your partner If you find yourself struggling to maintain healthy romantic relationships, it may be helpful to consult a mental healthcare provider. 5 Signs Your Partner Is Marriage Material By Sanjana Gupta Sanjana is a health writer and editor. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness.
- LOVE IS EVERYWHERE. Coming across love isn’t like coming across a puddle in a desert. It doesn’t just occur in love songs, books, and movies. Life imitates art, and art imitates life.
- THE DESIRE FOR LOVE IS NOT (AND WILL NEVER BE) PATHETIC. Somehow, it has become cool to be cynical about love and uncool to be optimistic. But regardless of what the naysayers say, I will never feel foolish for longing for love.
- ROMANCE ISN’T RIDICULOUS. It shouldn’t be considered shocking or silly to do something thoughtful or romantic for someone you love. It also isn’t absurd to want to be romanced by them once in a while.There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting an extra dose of romance or adventure with your partner.
- ROMANTIC DOES NOT EQUAL UNREALISTIC. While the term “hopeless romantic” suggests you have your head in the clouds, being a “hopeful romantic” implies the opposite.
Apr 25, 2024 · How to Be a Hopeful (Instead of Hopeless) Romantic. It's time to dispense with the idea that good relationships come easily. Posted April 25, 2024 | Reviewed by Michelle Quirk. Key points....
Jun 29, 2024 · What's the opposite of a hopeless romantic? Shutterstock. You can have an optimistic view of romance without being a hopeless romantic. In fact, a more recently coined phrase describes the opposite of a hopeless romantic: a hopeful romantic. The significance of this romantic label was explained in a 2022 Reddit thread. "Hopeful romantics are ...
