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- The reality is that it takes both partners in a relationship to guard against emotional infidelity. A marriage or partnership is best protected when both people work together to build a marriage on a strong foundation of friendship and trust.
www.verywellmind.com/emotional-affairs-and-infidelity-2303091What You Need to Know About Emotional Cheating - Verywell Mind
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What is emotional infidelity?
Emotional Infidelity. Reviewed by Psychology Today Staff. When a person in a committed relationship forms a deep emotional connection with a third party, they are engaging in an emotional...
- 3 Ways to Protect Your Relationship From Emotional Cheating
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- 3 Ways to Protect Your Relationship From Emotional Cheating
- Overview
- What counts as emotional cheating?
- What does it usually look like in practice?
- What makes this different from platonic intimacy?
- Where does social media come into play?
- Is this the same thing as micro-cheating?
- What if you’re the one doing it, and you didn’t even realize?
- What if isn’t you, but your partner?
- How do you set boundaries around it?
- Is it ever a sign to open the relationship or consider other dynamics?
Emotional cheating involves unintentionally or intentionally developing close, intimate bonds that detract from your attachment to your partner.
Emotional cheating happens when you establish a close, intimate connection with someone who isn’t your partner.
You can generally tell emotional infidelity apart from simple friendship because your interactions often involve some sexual tension or romantic attraction.
You also keep this relationship close to your chest, unlike a healthy, supportive friendship.
This type of attachment may not seem threatening or problematic, since you don’t plan on getting physical. Yet emotional cheating can begin to erode the foundations of your relationship and weaken your commitment to your partner.
People define cheating in different ways, so emotional attachments may not automatically come to mind when you consider infidelity. Here’s how to recognize emotional cheating — and avoid it going forward.
Generally speaking, emotional cheating happens when your closeness to someone else disrupts your investment in your partner. You focus on the connection you have with them instead of on your existing (usually monogamous) relationship.
Note: Emotional cheating can also happen in nonmonogamous relationships if you keep the intimacy you’re developing secret or cross other boundaries you’ve outlined with a partner.
Specific behaviors associated with emotional cheating vary.
You can usually tell a connection has passed the point of friendship when you:
•spend more time talking to (or thinking about) the other person than your partner
•avoid mentioning them to your partner
In the beginning, emotional cheating can feel a lot like friendship.
This kind of situation might develop when something creates unwanted space between you and your partner.
Perhaps they picked up a new hobby you don’t have any interest in or got a promotion that requires them to work a few more hours each week. Maybe a physical or mental health issue makes it tough for them to connect emotionally.
These scenarios don’t mean the blame lies with them — your actions and choices are yours alone. Still, it’s natural to desire connection and emotional support, and you might not know how to tell your partner you feel ignored.
There’s nothing wrong with cultivating intimacy with friends of any gender. In fact, maintaining friendships outside your romantic relationship can serve as a key sign of a healthy relationship.
You might even share certain details about yourself or your relationship with these friends, and you may not always tell your partner what you’ve confided.
It’s often helpful to talk through situations with friends, both to vent and get insight on what to do next.
A key difference, however, lies in the fact that friends play a supportive role, not a leading one.
In a healthy romantic relationship, you’ll usually turn to your partner first, whether you have exciting news or need help weathering an upsetting setback. While you shouldn’t depend on your partner to meet all of your emotional needs or be your “everything,” a partnership does require mutual trust and support.
Here’s a test
Social media can make it easier to engage in emotional cheating.
You might build up casual rapport with a long-time follower or commenter. You start off by liking each other’s photos, but eventually, you find yourself talking to them more and more.
Social media also offers the opportunity to look up and rekindle “missed connections” — an ex, a college crush, a casual fling partner.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with connecting over social media. Still, if you find yourself having regular conversations with someone you feel ever-so-slightly attracted to, it’s worth exploring what you’re getting from this interaction.
Micro-cheating involves any behavior that approaches or brushes up against relationship boundaries but falls short of actually crossing them.
Maybe you’ve stayed friends with an ex-partner and continue to greet them with lingering hugs when you meet up. Or you might exchange flirty jokes with your partner’s roommate when your partner is in another room.
Once you recognize you’re investing more energy outside the relationship than in it, a good first step involves turning off the tap.
Put an end to the DMs or text messages, keep interactions with your co-worker strictly work-related, and avoid one-on-one hangouts.
Have a (brief) conversation to let them know you’ve realized your involvement is compromising your relationship and explain you’ll be taking several large steps back.
Once you’ve accomplished that, it’s time to talk to your partner about the underlying concerns fueling the behavior.
It’s very normal to struggle with addressing intimacy issues and other relationship problems, especially when you worry your partner might brush off your concerns or react negatively.
Avoiding these issues won’t make them go away, though. A conversation might feel uncomfortable, but it’s the best way to work toward regaining emotional intimacy.
Any number of factors can contribute to relationship distance, so the signs listed above don’t always indicate emotional cheating.
If something feels unpleasantly different in your relationship with your partner, it’s always best to talk about it.
Stick to describing specific behaviors you’ve noticed to have a more successful conversation:
•“I feel hurt and shut out when you tell someone else about how you’re feeling, but not me. For me, sharing emotions is an important part of a healthy relationship.”
•“I feel ignored when we’re home together and you spend a lot of time texting. What do you think about setting some phone-free times so we can focus on each other?”
It’s perfectly possible your partner did engage in some emotional infidelity without realizing it. You might feel tempted to snoop around or check their phone. Instead, focus on their responses and willingness to change.
Creating boundaries around emotional cheating isn’t easy, because a lot of the behaviors involved often show up in close friendships.
The best way to set healthy boundaries is to openly discuss what you consider a betrayal of trust.
Sit down together and create separate lists of behaviors you don’t feel comfortable with, such as keeping secrets, making flirty comments, or regularly putting someone else first.
Then talk through your lists. Make sure you both have the chance to share. If you disagree on whether a specific behavior is problematic, speak up honestly so you can talk through your viewpoints and find a solution.
What if you love your partner and still feel attracted to them, but develop feelings for someone else at the same time?
Crushes are completely normal, but if your feelings persist and you have some interest in opening up your relationship, talk to your partner.
They may not be on board with nonmonogamy, but a conversation can help you get more insight on the best path forward.
If you realize monogamy isn’t for you but they don’t feel comfortable with nonmonogamy, ending the relationship may be the best option.
- Are The Channels Of Communication Open? Openness and honesty serve as the bedrock of a thriving relationship, but it needs to be straddled with the equally important need for individual privacy.
- Are You On The Same Page As Your Partner? Building a life with a partner entails embracing shared values, a compatible lifestyle, and, at times, even seeing the love in disagreements.
- Are You Still Able To Choose Each Other Consciously And Consistently? Contrary to the romantic notion that finding “the one” leads to an effortless and everlasting love, the reality of maintaining a committed partnership involves making ongoing conscious choices.
May 13, 2024 · An emotional affair is emotional cheating, often progresses to a physical affair, and can destroy a relationship. Here's how to recognize this type of infidelity.
- Sheri Stritof
5 days ago · Keeping the relationship or the extent of it a secret by hiding texts or downplaying how often you see them. Feeling guilty spending time with the other person. Just so we’re clear, emotionally cheating is not the same as having deep conversations with friends and coworkers or having a crush on someone. Actually, it’s unrealistic for your ...
Grappling with different definitions of emotional infidelity can be a challenge for couples, and a mismatch in expectations could threaten a relationship. But it hasn’t always been this way.
Aug 30, 2022 · Emotional infidelity can lead to a sense of betrayal and loss of trust. It may include inappropriately intimate or frequenct onversations with someone other than one's...
