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Sep 30, 2021 · Many couples are aware their relationship is dying before they are willing to admit defeat. Signs of a dying relationship include one partner out of reach for long periods and giving...
- Overview
- The Intimacy Just Isn’t There Anymore
- You Can’t Problem Solve Together
- You Feel Alone When You’re Next To Them
- You Just Know It
Simply put, trust your body—you'll know when it's time.
4 Key Signs It Might Be Time to Break Up
If one of you reaches out for sexual intimacy, and the other consistently responds with excuses about being tired, irritated, stressed, disconnected, or not in the mood, it could indicate underlying issues in your relationship. There are no strict rules for sexual frequency, and experiencing occasional dry spells is normal.
However, if this pattern of physical distancing becomes a recurring theme, it’s worth addressing–especially if you feel like you’re forcing things, slowed down with physical touch, sharing secrets about your day, and engaging in revealing conversations together.
In my work as a relationship coach, I’ve observed once you’ve stopped confiding in your partner, it’s likely you’ve also stopped craving physical and emotional intimacy with them, too.
This observation is backed up by a 2018 study that investigated how emotional closeness in long-term relationships can influence one’s desire for sex. The researchers discovered that being emotionally close doesn’t directly lead to more sex, but it does lead to a stronger desire for it. The study emphasizes the importance of maintaining open lines of communication for increased relationship satisfaction.
When a couple tells me they’re not super open about the mundane and pivotal parts of their respective lives, it’s a huge sign that the relationship has probably been on the outs for some time.
If you’re not actively seeking out these kinds of connected moments, it may mean that you no longer see them as someone who can bring you joy and fulfillment. Perhaps they are more like your best friend, family member, roommate, teammate, co-worker, or an obligation. Those are great aspects to have in your relationship, but viewing each other as a source and expression for your romantic pleasure is needed to keep the spark alive.
In long-term relationships, it’s common to have the same fight again and again. You know the fight I’m talking about. Even when you bicker about something different like the dishes, work, family, or money—somehow, somehow, the argument inevitably tumbles back to the same core issue. Not being able to get past this central fight can lead to resentment, exhaustion, and suppression.
Sure, these fights can be frustrating. But they can also be incredibly satisfying once you finally tackle the unhidden issue that needs to be talked through to elevate the relationship. Addressing these emotionally charged issues requires effort. One must be thoughtful of triggers, understand the other’s perspective, discuss past grievances objectively, and strive to meet their partner’s needs.
While these fights may linger, you can break free of the cycle with warm, open, positive, and honest communication. Just know it’ll take as long as it needs to. Patience and perseverance are your allies.
The problem is avoiding certain conversations out of fear of confrontation, which signals a massive loss of trust in your partner. This reluctance to discuss sensitive topics shows you’re uncomfortable disclosing private aspects of yourself or articulating the fullness of your needs. If you can't tell them when you're upset, how can you approach them with a vulnerable request about something else that matters to you? When it reaches this point, your partner may not be seen as a collaborator for effective problem-solving but instead as an adversary. You're not on the same side anymore.
If you can't tell them when you're upset, how can you approach them with a vulnerable request about something else that matters to you?
When you're disconnected and can't move beyond entrenched, well-defended positions in the argument, it’s time to question whether your relationships allow for change at the necessary level. If not, you might need to consider whether something different is required for your own well-being.
If you find yourself longing to do things alone or fantasizing about moments they won’t be around so you can participate in the activities you enjoy, that’s an invitation to pause and reflect further.
When you’re in a thriving relationship, you’ll want to do some of your alone things with your partner. When your relationship is surviving, you’ll feel lonely even when they’re next to you doing the same thing—as if there’s an emotional abyss in between. You may feel misunderstood, trapped, shut down, on edge, and uncomfortable being around them. Taken to an extreme, you may find yourself judging your partner and the things they value.
If you’re not putting in the time and energy to nurture a connection, you will grow apart. It’ll make sense to keep doing your own thing until you look up one day and realize you’re living completely separate lives.
When you and your partner feel disconnected on a fundamental level, no longer prioritize the same values, and find it hard to get along, it becomes a challenge to co-create a shared future. Why commit to a future together when the present moment feels so dissatisfying to be in?
Our subconscious mind controls 95% of our lives, meaning that a majority of our decisions, actions, emotions, and behaviors are influenced beyond our conscious awareness. These imperceptible signals are picked up by our mind-body connection, registering as a gut instinct that tells us something is not right.
In my work as a relationship coach, I’ve observed once you’ve stopped confiding in your partner, it’s likely you’ve also stopped craving physical and emotional intimacy with them, too.
Gut feelings are easy to dismiss until we unpack the science. Emerging research notes the gut is linked to the enteric nervous system, which works alongside the brain to communicate in parallel, which ultimately plays a major instinctive part in our physical and emotional states.
That’s why the gut is known as the second brain. So, when you simply “know” something to be true, even if you can’t put it into words or logically figure out how you know it, don’t dismiss what your gut is telling you. There’s a reason why they call it a “deep knowing” or an “inner truth.” Your intuition is intelligently designed.
- You’re just going through the motions. Has your relationship become more about convenience than anything else? Are you in it just because of the things you can get out of it or because you’re terrified of being single and starting over?
- You keep having the same argument over and over. When you and your partner seem to be complaining or fighting about the same issue constantly without resolving it, that’s a sign of trouble.
- You no longer talk about things that matter. Healthy, thriving relationships are built on communication. You need to be able to have meaningful conversations with your partner about your emotions, career, dreams, future plans, etc.
- There’s little or no sexual intimacy left. If you and your partner are both sexual people but you’ve reached a point where your needs for sexual intimacy are worlds apart, that’s a bad sign.
- Your communication is non-existent. You used to look forward to having deep, meaningful conversations with your partner. You could not wait for the weekend when you could just sit around together and remake the world, discussing politics or celebrity gossip.
- Your sex life is non-existent. Sex is always a barometer in a relationship, a measure of how connected you both are feeling. When you’ve lost the emotional connection, the physical one is quick to follow.
- The day to day affection just isn’t there anymore. It used to be that you could not be in the kitchen together without one of you drawing the other close for a quick, passion-filled kiss before turning back to finish the dishes.
- You hesitate to make future plans with your partner. By plans, we mean something as small as talking about what you want to do this weekend, or as large as planning your summer holidays.
Oct 19, 2023 · You may be able to save a dying relationship if you and your partner commit to rebuilding it. Some strategies to try include active listening, compromise, honesty, and communication.
- How you save a damaged relationship can depend on the cause of the damage but most strategies involve restoring trust, intimacy, and communication...
- You can potentially restore a relationship by both partners making a commitment to noticing the things the other does right, having fun together, a...
- You may be able to save a relationship by remembering or rediscovering the things you like about your partner, engaging in physical contact if both...
Feb 26, 2024 · 1. There’s no emotional connection. One of the key signs that your relationship is over is that the spark has gone. A foundation of a healthy relationship is that both partners feel comfortable being truly open with each other in sharing thoughts and opinions.
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Apr 30, 2023 · 11 Stages Of A Dying Marriage. When your marriage is dying, it doesn’t just expire overnight. It takes time for the phases of a marriage breakdown to occur. Read through the stages below and decide where you and your spouse are in your relationship.
