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- Three-quarters of American adults call extramarital sex “always wrong,” yet a majority of Americans who have been unfaithful call their own justified. Infidelity is associated with: previous cheating; relationship boredom, dissatisfaction, and duration; expectations of imminent break-ups; and low-frequency, poor-quality partner sex.
www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/202102/why-infidelity-in-relationships-is-so-commonWhy Infidelity in Relationships Is So Common - Psychology Today
People also ask
Why do people have extramarital affairs?
What is an extramarital affair?
What are the different types of extramarital affairs?
What happens if a husband has an extramarital affair?
Jun 14, 2015 · Here are some possible reasons as to why people indulge in an extramarital affair. 1. Early marriage People who marry in their early 20s would most likely have achieved some level of stability and ...
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- Overview
- What is an extramarital affair?
- Types of Extramarital Affairs
- Causes of Extramarital Affairs
- Warning Signs of a Possible Affair
- Healing from an Extramarital Affair
What is an extramarital affair?
Extramarital affairs can be extremely painful and damaging to a relationship. But what exactly qualifies as an extramarital affair and why do spouses have them? Read on to learn everything you need to know about extramarital affairs, including different types, possible causes, and warning signs that your spouse could be cheating. We'll even share expert advice from psychologists and therapists about how to handle cheating and heal your relationship after an affair.
An extramarital affair occurs when one spouse breaks the marital vows set by the couple by secretly having a relationship with someone other than their spouse.
There are several different types of affairs, including physical, emotional, romantic, casual, and accidental.
An extramarital affair violates a married couple's vows.
In a traditional monogamous marriage, an extramarital affair occurs when one spouse has a sexual relationship with someone else who isn't their spouse. In other types of marital relationships, what is considered an affair depends on the boundaries the couple has set.
The hallmark of an affair is that the spouse who's having the outside relationship lies about that relationship or keeps it secret from their spouse.
A spouse can have an affair even in an open or polyamorous relationship if they violate the terms the couple agreed on or keep the relationship a secret.
A physical or sexual affair is most people's primary understanding of an affair. It typically involves a spouse having sexual relations with a person who isn't their spouse.
The cheating spouse may or may not have feelings for the person they're having an affair with.
A physical affair is an ongoing, regular thing. This distinguishes it from casual or accidental affairs, although a physical affair can start out as casual or accidental.
An emotional affair typically occurs when a spouse has a deep or intense emotional connection with someone other than their spouse. The two often commiserate with each other and may discuss issues that they don't discuss with their spouse.
For example, a spouse having an emotional affair might talk to this other person about problems they have with their spouse that they've never mentioned directly to their spouse.
Some consider falling in love with another person an emotional affair but many would categorize that as a romantic affair.
One of the most common reasons for an affair is that one spouse is dissatisfied with the relationship they have with the other spouse. This could mean that their needs aren't being met in the relationship or that the couple is constantly fighting with each other.
An emotional affair typically arises when a spouse's emotional needs aren't being met.
For example, they might feel like they're ignored or that their spouse cares more about the children's needs than theirs.
Often there's also a communication breakdown, although it could be that the cheating spouse has brought up their issues and felt slighted or ignored when they did.
Sometimes an affair happens because a spouse has low self-esteem or is feeling down about themselves and their spouse can't make them feel better. A new love interest who compliments them constantly can make them feel better about themselves—at least for a little while.
The stereotype here is the older man who cheats on his wife with a much younger woman—his ego is flattered that a younger woman would want to be with him.
Your spouse puts more effort into their physical appearance.
Has your spouse suddenly started wearing more stylish clothes or going to the gym more often? Are they obsessing about how they look? It's possible that they're having an affair.
This warning sign alone is not enough to be certain that your spouse is having an affair, but it's pretty meaningful when combined with several other warning signs.
Your spouse becomes more secretive.
This warning sign particularly applies to computers and electronic devices. If they've changed the password on their phone or they clear the browser cache after using a shared computer, that's a pretty good sign that they're at least trying to hide something from you.
Ask your spouse why they're suddenly being secretive. When they answer,
Find out the truth about what happened.
If you merely suspect that your spouse is cheating on you, that suspicion could potentially do as much damage to your relationship as an actual affair. Psychotherapist Kelli Miller agrees that this is "a good time to evaluate and talk to your spouse and try to feel more connected."
Marriage and family therapist Allen Wagner agrees that "the best thing to do is confront them directly, ask them what's going on, if there's an issue."
Even if it turns out your spouse isn't having an affair, the fact that you suspected them indicates that there's something missing within your relationship.
If it turns out your spouse was having an affair, there's still hope. According to Miller, "cheating doesn't signify the end of a relationship. Yes, it's painful, and it can signify the end but it can also be a really beautiful new beginning."
Talk to your spouse about
- Misconceptions about love (falling in and falling out) No matter how many times we hear that relationships take work, most people in our society do not appreciate the investment required to create a long-term, successful relationship.
- Opportunity and boundary naivete. The sheer opportunity for a secret relationship has grown tremendously in the past decades as men and women work more closely together, run in the same parenting circuits, and generally have more interactions with each other.
- Lack of emotional and self-care. A secret sultry relationship exhilarates like the best drug out there. I see so many partners after having fallen prey to this intoxicating high because they were suppressing and/or not dealing with their emotional anxiety or pain—at home, in their family of origin, or at work.
- Becoming parents. So many couples I meet with feel overwhelmed by the responsibility of parenting, day in and day out—especially the men. Not to mention, a shift in focus naturally, and often too dramatically, occurs away from the relationship and toward the children.
4 days ago · Atone. The first stage of this process is what the Gottman's call atonement. As Julie tells mindbodygreen, "Atonement is absolutely crucial to healing from an affair." In the atonement stage, the hurt partner can ask the partner who's had the affair any questions they want to, and those questions must be honored and answered transparently.
Apr 30, 2024 · Reasons for extramarital affairs. So, why do extramarital affairs happen? Know some reasons of extramarital affairs: 1. Dissatisfaction from marriage. As mentioned above, there comes a time when people are vulnerable in a relationship. They’ve unsolved issued and miscommunication that leads to dissatisfaction in marriage. Because of this, one ...
Jan 29, 2024 · What do people do, say, and feel when they have affairs? Associations between extradyadic infidelity motives with behavioral, emotional, and sexual outcomes. Journal of Sex and...
Jun 22, 2023 · One 2020 study identified 8 key reasons for cheating. These included: anger. low self-esteem. lack of love. low commitment. need for variety. relational neglect....
