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Aug 12, 2024 · I Think I Destroyed Our Relationship Trying To Compliment My Boyfriend refers to a viral debate that originates from an August 7th, 2024, post on Reddit's /r/TrueOffMyChest in which a woman shares how her boyfriend was deeply hurt and insulted by her telling him that she would not "hook up" with him but rather marry him.
- Overview
- Reach out first if you two aren’t talkin
- Take responsibility for your action
- Apologize sincerel
- Listen to what the other person has to sa
- Acknowledge their feeling
- Ask if there’s anything you can do to make it righ
- Give the other person space if neede
- Make the other person realize how much they mean to yo
- Take steps to prevent it from happening agai
So, you made a mistake, and now your partner (or other loved one) is mad at you. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes but if yours cost you your relationship, you might be worried that it can't be fixed. If you want to salvage your connection and rekindle what you once had, read through our helpful suggestions and consider giving some of them a try.
This article is based on an interview with our relationship expert, Kelli Miller, licensed pyschotherapist and award-winning author.
Bridge the communication gap by sending a text or calling.
Or, if you’re trying to reconnect with your partner, you could meet up with them in person. Since you’re the one who made a mistake, it’s up to you to reach out first, so don’t wait. If the person you’re reaching out to ignores you, try waiting a little bit, and then reaching out again. If you still don’t hear from them, it might be time to move on.
Even if it’s been a long time (say, a friend you haven’t talked to in years), it’s never too late to reach out and try to repair your relationship.
Say something like, “Hey Mark, long time no see. I was wondering if you’d be willing to chat with me one of these days? I know we haven’t talked in a little bit, but I have a few things I’d like to say to you.”
You can explain yourself, but don’t make any excuses.
Spell out why you did what you did, but accept all the blame, and don’t try to shift it onto anyone else.
This is a little bit different than an apology—it’s showing the person that you understand you hurt them, before you even get to saying “I’m sorry.” Try something like:
“I can tell I really hurt you by insulting your job. I was really stressed out that day, but it doesn’t excuse what I said to you.”
You may be able to fix your relationship with a genuine apology.
The key here is to really mean everything you say: don’t just apologize because you think it will make the other person feel better, apologize because you’re truly sorry.
Be sure to include what you’re apologizing for, so they know you really mean it. Try something like:
“I’m sorry for what I said to you in anger the other day. You didn’t deserve that, and I know it hurt your feelings.”
Try not to interrupt them, and let them talk for however long they want.
They might have a few more things to say to you, even after you apologize. This is especially true in romantic relationships: your partner might want to explain why what you did hurt them so badly, just to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
Keep quiet and listen to them, and try not to interrupt.
Ask follow-up questions, like, “Can you tell me more?” It will make the person you’re talking to feel like you’re really hearing what they’re saying.
Validate them, and tell them that you understand why they feel that way.
This will show the person that you know you messed up, and that you don’t want to cause them this type of pain again. Let them know that they’re completely right to feel the way that they feel, even after you’ve apologized.
Say something like, “I can see why that made you so upset.”
Or, “I understand why you’d feel that way. I’d probably feel the same.”
Sometimes, you might not know what the best course of action is.
If you’ve already apologized and talked through what happened, ask the other person if you can do anything to make it up to them. They might not know right away either, so give it some time before they help come up with a solution.
For example, if you’re repairing a relationship with your partner, they might want you to be totally open and honest about everything moving forward.
If you’re repairing a relationship with a friend, they might want you to make more time for them and prioritize your friendship more.
They might need some time to heal on their own.
If what happened was pretty big, you may not be able to repair your relationship in a day. Ask if the other person needs space, then respect their wishes if they do. Try not to contact them until they reach out first; that way, you’ll give them time to breathe and think about things on their own. This can be really tough, but patience is key here.
If you’re trying to make things right with your partner and you two live together, consider going to stay with a friend for a couple of days, just to give each other some space.
Say something like, “I’m going to go stay with Jerry for a while to let you have the house to yourself. I really want to make this work.”
Actively do things to make it up to the person you hurt.
This depends a lot on what actually happened, but you can do things to show the person that you care. Think about how you can show them with your actions that you want to repair this relationship.
For instance, if you told your partner they weren’t important to you, take steps to show them just how much they mean to you.
If you insulted a friend out of anger, let them know how good of a person they are and how much you value their friendship.
Think about what led up to the mistake you made.
We’re all human, and we all make mistakes—but that doesn’t mean we can’t stop it from happening again. If you aren’t sure why it happened, consider talking to a mental health professional.
They can help dissect the problem and give you guidance on how to keep going.
If you tend to blow up when you’re stressed, try reducing your workload and lowering your stress levels.
If you snapped at someone because you were resentful, practice communication and expressing your feelings in healthy ways.
If you accused your partner of something that isn’t true, work on your trust issues and foster a healthy relationship.
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Jan 16, 2024 · While the work involved is challenging, even relationships strained to their limits can be mended through consistent effort centered on accountability, communication, and positive change. Implement the following step-by-step guide to fix a relationship you’ve ruined.
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- Send an apology. Apologies offer you and your ex a chance for closure. This apology isn’t an attempt to win your ex back—it’s a chance for you to express regret over how things turned out and to leave the relationship behind on a better note.
- Go no-contact with your ex on social media and text. You don’t need updates on your ex, so remove them from social media. This means blocking them on all of your social media platforms—no exceptions.
- Get rid of your ex’s things. Keep your home from feeling like a memorial to your relationship. Pictures of the two of you together, souvenirs from trips you took with them, and anything else that you associate with your ex should find its way to the trash or a bag stored in someplace that you never check.
- Forgive yourself. Fight off any negative thought patterns that lead to self-blame. For example, if you keep spiraling into thoughts of “if only I’d done this or that,” tell yourself that you’re only human, and all humans make mistakes.
- Pearl Nash
- Own your mistakes. It’s not easy admitting when you’ve made a mistake. It can be even more difficult if you feel like you’re being judged for doing something stupid that you wish you could take back.
- Come completely clean. If lies that have later come to light have ruined your relationship, now is the time to tell all. Does your partner know everything?
- Make a genuine apology. If you are here looking for ways to repair your relationship, it’s clearly important to you. So I’m sure that you genuinely are sorry.
- Get vulnerable. A really great way to highlight sincerity and transparency with your partner is by being vulnerable with them. This means opening up to your partner.
May 31, 2024 · How to Actually Fix a Relationship You Ruined: Expert Dos & Don’ts. Articles. The following list of dos and don’ts for how to fix a relationship you “ruined” isn’t theoretical. It’s the wisdom I use to help couples every day.
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Dec 28, 2021 · When something goes wrong in a relationship, particularly a close one, it’s all too easy to set off a negative chain of events. New research suggests how to restore harmony.
