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Apr 18, 2022 · As you might imagine, there’s no set amount of time you should wait between realizing you have feelings for someone and telling them how you feel. I can’t tell you to wait five days or two weeks or six months or anything specific like that.
- Overview
- Risks of Saying "I Love You" Too Soon
- When to Say "I Love You"
- Signs It's Too Soon to Say "I Love You"
- Signs It's Time to Say "I Love You"
- What can you say if it's too soon?
What can you say instead?
Coming out and telling your significant other that you love them for the first time can be nerve-wracking. That's especially true if this is your first time really falling in love with someone and you're overwhelmed with emotion. Saying "I love you" too soon could negatively impact your relationship, but if you feel confident in how you feel, go for it! Just look for the signs that the time is right, which we'll cover below as well as signs it's too early and how you can handle things if your significant other isn't ready to take that step just yet.
This article is based on an interview with our licensed clinical psychologist, Sarah Schewitz.
Check out the full interview here.
It's common to date someone for 3 to 5 months before saying "I love you," but everyone develops an emotional bond at their own pace.
Say "I love you" if you're both equally committed to the relationship and talk about the future together.
They might not say it back.
It's possible that the two of you are simply moving at a different pace. Although they do like you and enjoy your company, they're just not at the point of saying those words yet. Unfortunately, this can lead to a bit of awkwardness and confusion. [1]
What to do if this happens:
Don't retract what you said if you really feel it! This is about how you feel, not whether they feel the same way about you. Instead, ask them why they aren't ready to say it back yet.
and show your love through your care and concern.
Try to remain calm in this situation—getting angry or upset won't help matters. If you need to, step away for a few minutes and
Say "I love you" when it feels right—usually after 3+ months.
In the first month or so of your relationship, what you're most likely feeling is infatuation, not love. Research shows it takes men about 3 months to say "I love you" for the first time and it takes women about 5 months.
Those averages are a pretty good indication of how long you should wait before you say "I love you."
At the same time, if you truly feel it, you should say it. Just make sure you're unattached to the outcome and it won't change things for you if they don't say it back.
You haven't started discussing the future together yet.
If your significant other isn't including you in any of their plans, they might not be envisioning the two of you being together for the long haul. It might also just be that they're not ready to start thinking that way yet. Either way, it's probably best to hold off on confessing your feelings.
If you want, you could mention something in the future yourself and see how they react. It could be that they are thinking of the two of you as an item, but nothing has really come up yet that they want to do with you in the future.
For example, you might say, "Hey, I saw that The Midnight is going to have a show here in a couple of months. Aren't they one of your favorite bands? We should get tickets and go together."
You don't have similar values and goals.
You might have a lot of differences, but sharing basic values is the foundation of a healthy relationship.
You've reached a certain level of understanding and commitment.
If both of you are fully committed to the relationship and genuinely care about each other, it's a great time to take it to the next level and
When you know that your significant other truly cares about you, you can trust that they'll treat you with kindness even if they aren't ready to say the words yet.
Often, once you get to this point, you can be fairly well assured that your significant other is going to say "I love you" back when you say it for the first time.
If you have any doubts here, it's a good idea to talk to your significant other about it first. For example, you might say, "We've been seeing each other for two months. Where do you see this relationship going?"
You discuss the future together a lot.
Use a more indirect expression of your feelings to relieve the pressure.
Romantic love grows at different paces for everyone. If you feel that your significant other isn't ready for "I love you" just yet, you can use other phrases that communicate how you feel about them without using those emotionally charged words. Here are some ideas:
"You're so important to me."
"I love it when you...." Complete this with something they do that you love.
"You mean a lot to me."
"I love your...." Complete this with something about them that you love.
- Katie Uniacke
- Don’t make it a big deal. Every situation is different, and there are all kinds of reasons why you might think that coming clean about your feelings is complex.
- Decide whether to do it in person or via text. When deciding how to tell your crush you like them, doing it in person or sending them a message is entirely your choice, as both ways have their advantages.
- Pick your moment. If you decide to text them, then (without being too stalker-esque) make sure you do so at a moment when they’re likely to be free, rather than out and about.
- Confess your feelings ASAP. When to tell someone you like them? It’s an important question with a very simple answer. You may have already been crushing on this person for a long time.
Oct 1, 2023 · How long should you wait to say ‘I love you’? There is no set time frame for when you should say ‘I love you’ to someone. It depends on the individual relationship and how comfortable they feel expressing their feelings.
Oct 20, 2021 · While men tended to consider confessions of love acceptable after about a month or so, women tended to say it was better to wait 2 to 3 months or so. Confessions of love generally inspired...
Oct 20, 2023 · If you’re crushing on someone right now, chances are that you’ve wanted to confess your feelings for a while. But how to confess to your crush is not a simple topic, and you need to do it right, starting with the time and location you choose, and what to say.
Sep 4, 2024 · Ideally, you should go on at least five dates or spend at least three months before you say “I Love You.” Try to wait out this period even if you feel it is love at first sight. Of course, saying that you fell in love when you saw your partner makes for a great story straight out of a fairy tale.
