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May 1, 2018 · How to tell kids about divorce: An age-by-age guide. The news that Mom and Dad are separating hits a two-year-old and a 10-year-old differently. Here's how to help children handle it at any age. By John Hoffman. Updated Oct 17, 2022.
- Parenting Through Divorce
The vast majority of couples in conflict who claim to be...
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Here's how to help children handle it at any age. John...
- Parenting Through Divorce
- Share the information soon. Young children are remarkably perceptive and will know something is going on. Secrecy can be more damaging than knowledge, because it leads to all kinds of worries, most of which are worse than the impending reality.
- Talk as a family. When you decide you are separating, and have established a plan for moving forward with it, tell your child together with your partner, and include all your children together in the conversation.
- Choose a good time. Don’t have the divorce discussion when one or more family members are tired, hungry, or needing to be somewhere soon. It may turn out to be a very short discussion—your child might not have any questions and just want to get on with playing—but be available in case they want to talk, shout, argue, cry, or snuggle.
- Keep it simple. A young child doesn’t want to know about—and can’t understand—the complex reasons for the separation. In your first conversation about it, the simple facts are enough—where you’ll all be living, who’ll take them to school and pick them up, how often they’ll spend time with each parent, the fact they will still have two parents.
- Plan what you will say. Protect your kids from your hurt or anger by planning (together) when, how, and what you will tell your kids. Plan to tell them on a day that allows for some family time, like a weekend.
- Talk to your children together. This might be hard, but it lets your kids know that you’re committed to working together as their parents. It’s also important that your children hear this news at the same time and directly from mom and dad; not from the sibling who heard it first.
- Develop a non-blaming narrative. Avoid the temptation to assign blame or say whose “fault” this is. You may feel that you want your children to know the “truth”—“Mom had an affair,” or “Dad is leaving us.”
- Tell your kids why this is happening. It is not important, or even appropriate, that you provide specific details about why you are planning a divorce.
- Effects of Divorce on Babies
- Effects of Divorce on Toddlers
- Effects of Divorce on Preschoolers
- Effects of Divorce on School-Age Children
Though it may come as a surprise to some, even babies are affected by divorce, especially if parental conflict leads to arguing and tension in the home. During infancy, babies can sense stress in their environment, even if they can't understand the reasoning behind conflicts. If the tension continues, babies may become irritable and clingy, especia...
Divorce can emotionally and psychologically impact children from ages 18 months to 3 years. During the toddler years, a child's main bond is with their parents, so any major disruption in their home life can be difficult to accept and comprehend. Toddlers whose parents are divorcing may cry and want more attention than usual, regress and return to ...
Divorce is a difficult concept for children between the ages of 3 and 6 to understand mainly because of the scary level of uncertainty it brings. Preschoolers may understand that their parents aren't getting along but don't understand the notion of divorce and likely won't want their parents to separate—no matter how tense their home environment. L...
Divorce may leave school-age kids between the ages of 6 and 11 struggling with feelings of abandonment. Younger elementary schoolers aren't likely to understand the complex reasons why two grown-ups don't want to be married anymore and feel as if their parents are divorcing them. Research suggests that elementary-school-age children may be more lik...
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Nov 6, 2023 · Explaining separation and divorce to your children. Regardless of how old they are, talking to your kids about separation and divorce can really help them adjust to the changes happening in your family. Keep it simple and limit the details.
May 14, 2012 · Explaining any complex concept to a very young child can be quite challenging. Here are some tips to help guide you in this process. Finding the right words to help children understand a separation or divorce can be especially difficult given how emotionally charged this is for everyone.
Children need to be told that their parents are separating. They don’t usually need to know the reasons why the separation occurred. When you talk to your children about separation keep it simple, and keep it centred on the basic, objective facts.
