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Dec 24, 2023 · Recognizing the signs you have a broken heart is the first step towards healing, acting as a guiding light amidst all the chaotic feelings. This article explores the symptoms of heartbreak, helps you understand the broken heart syndrome, and offers practical ways to heal and regain your emotional peace.
- Overview
- Self-care strategies
- Habits to build
- Things to keep in mind
- Recommended reading
- The bottom line
Healing a broken heart takes time, but building certain habits, like practicing self-compassion and journaling, can help ease the process.
Heartbreak is a universal experience that comes with intense emotional anguish and distress.
While many people associate a broken heart with the end of a romantic relationship, therapist Jenna Palumbo, LCPC, emphasizes that “grief is complicated.” The death of a loved one, job loss, changing careers, losing a close friend — all of these can leave you brokenhearted and feeling like your world will never be the same.
There’s no way around it: healing a broken heart takes time. But there are things you can do to support yourself through the healing process and protect your emotional wellbeing.
Give yourself permission to grieve
Grief is not the same for everyone, says Palumbo, and the best thing you can do for yourself is to give yourself permission to feel all of your sadness, anger, loneliness, or guilt. “Sometimes by doing that, you unconsciously give those around you permission to feel their own grief, too, and you won’t feel like you’re alone in it anymore.” You just might find that a friend’s gone through similar pain and has some pointers for you.
Take care of yourself
When you’re in the midst of heartbreak, it’s easy to forget to take care of your personal needs. But grieving isn’t just an emotional experience, it also depletes you physically. Indeed, research has shown that physical and emotional pain travel along the same pathways in the brain. Deep breathing, meditation, and exercise can be great ways to preserve your energy. But don’t beat yourself up over it, either. Simply making an effort to eat and stay hydrated can go a long way. Take it slow, one day at a time.
Lead the way in letting people know what you need
Everyone copes with loss in their own way, says Kristen Carpenter, PhD, a psychologist in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Medicine at The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center. She advises being clear about whether you prefer to grieve privately, with the support of close friends or with a wide circle of people accessible through social networks. Getting your needs out there will save you from trying to think of something in the moment, says Carpenter, and will allow someone who wants to be supportive to help you and make your life easier by checking something off your list.
Don’t try to suppress the pain
“Don’t waste energy on feeling ashamed or guilty about your feelings,” says Carpenter. Instead, “invest that energy in making concrete efforts to feel better and to heal.” Consider giving yourself 10 to 15 minutes each day to acknowledge and feel your sadness. By giving it some dedicated attention, you may find it popping up less and less throughout your day.
Practice self-compassion
Self-compassion involves treating yourself with love and respect while not judging yourself. Think of how you would treat a close friend or family member going through a hard time. What would you say to them? What would you offer them? How would you show them you care? Take your answers and apply them to yourself.
Create space in your schedule
When you are going through a difficult time, it can be easy to distract yourself with activities. While this can be helpful, make sure you’re still leaving yourself some space to process your feelings and have some down time.
Your experience is valid
The death of a loved one is the more overt form of grief, Palumbo explains, but covert grief can look like the loss of a friendship or relationship. Or maybe you’re starting a new phase of your life by changing careers or becoming an empty nester. Whatever it is, it’s important to validate your grief. This simply means recognizing the impact it’s had on your life.
It’s not a competition
It’s natural to compare your situation to that of others, but heartbreak and grieving aren’t a competition. Just because it’s the loss of a friendship and not the death of a friend doesn’t mean the process isn’t the same, says Palumbo. “You’re relearning how to live in a world without an important relationship you once had.”
There’s no expiration date
Grief is not the same for everyone and it has no timetable. Avoid statements like “I should be moving on by now,” and give yourself all of the time you need to heal.
Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar
Cheryl Strayed, author of the bestselling book “Wild,” compiled questions and answers from her formerly anonymous advice column. Each in-depth response offers insightful and compassionate advice for anyone who’s experienced a wide range of losses including infidelity, a loveless marriage, or death in the family. Purchase online.
Small Victories: Spotting Improbable Moments of Grace
Acclaimed author Anne Lamott delivers profound, honest, and unexpected stories that teach us how to turn toward love even in the most hopeless situations. Just be aware that there are some religious undertones in her work. Purchase online.
Love You Like the Sky: Surviving the Suicide of a Beloved
Psychologist and survivor of suicide Dr. Sarah Neustadter provides a roadmap navigating the complicated emotions of grief and turning despair into beauty. Purchase online.
The hard truth of going through loss is that it can change your life forever. There will be moments when you feel overcome with heartache. But there will be others when you see a glimmer of light.
For some grief, as Fisher notes, “it’s a matter of surviving for a while until you gradually build a new, different life with an open space for the grief when it arises.”
- Nancy Schimelpfening
- Don't Let Your Emotions Rule. Try not to view the end of a relationship as a failure. Instead, think of it as an opportunity to learn and grow. It doesn’t matter if it was your first relationship or if you’ve had others before.
- Do Take Care of Yourself. Good self-care is emotional, physical, and spiritual. You have your own unique needs in each area, but there are some general acts of self-care that are beneficial for almost everyone, such as a nutritious diet, regular exercise, a social support system, and strategies for coping with stress, to name a few.
- Don’t Get Stuck in the Past. We all tend to look back on our lives and relationships with “rose-colored glasses.” The effect of “rosy retrospection” is that you may refuse to see the problems and only focus on the good parts (which you’re likely to miss).
- Do Appreciate the Good Memories. Even if your relationship ended on a sour note, chances are, it was not all bad. It’s normal to look back at what was good about it, and you may find you miss certain things about your ex and the love you shared.
Nov 11, 2023 · People with broken heart syndrome may have sudden chest pain or think they're having a heart attack. Broken heart syndrome affects just part of the heart. It briefly interrupts the way the heart pumps blood.
- Go through the process of loss. This may take some time. Give yourself the opportunity to process all that has happened to you and every emotion you have experienced.
- Grieve. This may sound like it belongs as part of the process of loss, and it is. But it is also very uniquely different from all of the other emotions you will feel.
- Don’t rush into anything. Take your time getting used to the loss and to being alone. Don’t try to fill yourself up or make yourself feel better with other relationships.
- Get your life back in order. In other words, take care of your personal affairs. Aside from the breakup where one is physically gone, there are all the things you may have shared together—a home, friends, possessions (furniture, etc.)
Feb 10, 2019 · So, how do you heal a broken heart? Here are a few tips I have picked up in my training, clinical experiences and late night calls with girlfriends and family members.
Mar 28, 2021 · To get over a broken heart, you'll have to be willing to really take care of yourself and commit to leaving behind your ex. Your Rx for those moments that getting out of bed and facing the world just seems impossible.
